How to force a narcissistic breakdown
A lot of us struggle with the betrayal and the hurt. Persistent images of the two of them together are normal and so too, is the fear that they will be happy together and that you will be the one, who is left all alone, wallowing in misery and despair. To want justice is normal. We want to know that there is some Universal Force out there, that knows all, that will exact some sort of cosmic justice, revenge or Karma on our behalf.
We want fairness.
6 Tactics Narcissists Will Use To Silence You
Her book, When Things Fall Apart, was literally handed to me, long before Oprah fell in love with her. She teaches that the medicine is in the pain. As we do that, as we get closer to pain and fear, it loses its power over us. When we move closer to fear and pain we realize that it cannot defeat us, that we are stronger than our pain and stronger than our fear.
A feeling of invincibility arises in us. So let yourself fall apart. Allow yourself to cry, to be sad — to feel whatever you are feeling and then sit with it. Marinate in it for a while and know that this breakdown will lead you to a breakthrough. Be mindful and aware as you just let yourself feel. Trust in the stories of those who have gone through it before.
The pain and discomfort are temporary. The most important thing to remember in this phase is to remain in no contact. You will have those disturbing thoughts of your ex and his new partner. I would have these flash visions of them together — making love and being happy. It would drive me crazy. When this happens and those thoughts come, gently bring another thought to your mind and let yourself focus on something else. They will come back, so you will mindfully have to nudge them out every time they appear.
The more you do this, the less frequently they will show up and eventually it will stop altogether. Couples stay together through the tough times in life because of loyalty, connection, commitment, love and integrity.They become hypersensitive, hateful, rage filled, tantrum throwing, angry, snappish, intolerant, and sometimes even violent.
Any pretense of niceness or charm they might have formerly displayed when things were going better for them disappears and the rage just underneath the mask of pleasantness comes out full throttle.
They still cannot accept any blame or criticism of themselves. Should he collapse that far, he could start a nuclear war or turn America into a police state or order the extermination or deportation of all the groups of people he dislikes. I could see this happening with Donald Trump all too easily. He is clumsy in his responses and he is defensive.
He comes up with the most ridiculous answers to questions that people ask. Not a smooth talker at all. Like Liked by 1 person. No, Trump is definitely not a smooth talker but he has a populist style that appeals to some people. Trump is just rude af. Hatred of Jews went back a long ways, and nationalism was very strong, along with resentment at the Versailles Treaty and fear of Bolshevism.
The old arguments against immigrants Poles looking for farm labor on the northern border of Germany, sound disturbingly familiar. A little pageantry and hypnotism and indoctrination, and you can make people do your bidding. The Nazis engaged in a lot of bait-and-switching to get themselves elected, and their hypnotism of the people was deliberate.
But the conservative Junkers thought they could control Hitler, keep him under their thumb as they used his popularity to help achieve their mutual ends. Then they wanted to get the monarchy back and their old privileges. But the Nazis swiftly wrenched control from them and turned the state totalitarian. So I watch how the Republican Party has responded to Trump, and wonder if they, too, think they can control him if he gets elected.
It seems a little familiar…. But our country has so many checks and balances that I hope he would not be able to do too much damage, even if he does go off the deep end. This is not the political chaos of Weimar Germany.
Like Like. Like Liked by 2 people. Yeah, anti-Semitism was well established for centuries all over Europe. Same thing with the Christian-Muslim antipathy, going back to the Crusades, probably farther. And that was in the 19th century. Rate this:.
Sharing is Caring! Like this: Like Loading Though, of course, I do fear him getting the nuclear codes…. Do you really think we have that many checks and balances anymore? I hope so!
Expert survival guide for living with a narcissist
Bannon is the mastermind. He is a scary MF. NOW what the hell do we do? Hell if I know. Post to Cancel. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.Is it possible to outsmart a narcissist? Admittedly, this post began with a trick question! The point was to say, first of all, why would you want to? What a narcissist wants… This post explains why. Their greatest fear is to be thought of as crazy, weak, not in control, dominated, inferior, irrelevant, and the like.
Only then do their tactics makes sense. Not so! They can do so … without feeling depleted. What happened?A Survivor and a Life Coach Break Down Narcissistic Abuse
Instead, identify the patterns that identifies narcissism, and learn to respond in ways that neutralize any power over your mind, sense of self and agency. Go for deep fulfillment in life, not addictive, cheap thrills. In their mind, there is no such thing. Their ego is so monstrously big that it tells them their self-worth and existence depend on beating you down this way.
And they know how. They depend, lust for this to get a rush of superiority, evidence that to them, validates their existence. That means that their ability to feel suffering in these contexts is zapped! This is what makes them harmful to others. You on the other hand, in contrast, are not numb — and that is a good thing.
A healthy person aspires to grow an empathic connection to self and other, to feel their vulnerabilities alongside their strengths, and so on, and participates in these painful but vital processes. It can take years to gain their trust, however.
In any case, you must accept that it takes two to make a relationship healthy and work. You cannot do their part, any more than you can eat or breathe for them.Anyone who does is likely to sustain emotional — and sometimes physical — harm that they may never fully recover from. A study in the US of more than 34, adults, concluded that as many as 6. With narcissism being so prevalent in society, there is a good chance that you have encountered one or many in your life and that you will encounter more in the future.
You may not always be able to spot them, however, because of their ability to mask the more malevolent aspects of their personality. That being said, when you have identified narcissism in an individual, and you are wondering how to deal with a narcissist, there is only one sure-fire way to prevent any further hurt on your part.
If you want to avoid getting tangled up with a narcissist; if you want to dodge the mental, emotional, and physical harm that comes from dealing with one, then you have no choice but to refuse to engage with them on any level. To reiterate this crucial point: the only way to effectively deal with a narcissist is to not deal with them at all. You must put as much distance as you can between them and you if you want to prevent their maleficent influence from seeping into your life.
You must break all ties, stop all communication, and eliminate as many preferably all of the ways that your paths may cross. Here are the two primary reasons why a full and total blockade is so necessary when dealing with a narcissist.
The Addiction Of Narcissistic Supply Narcissists feed on the feelings of others; they grow stronger by making others feel weak. To them, the only thing that ever truly matters is their own self-gratification, and one of the easiest ways to attain this is by degrading any that cross their path. Whatever the relationship may be — romantic, family, co-worker, or mere acquaintance — a narcissist will seek to manipulate and dominate you in order to reinforce the grandiose vision they have of themselves.
They need you to supply these things so that they continue to support their inflated, false sense of self. Alternatively, should positive reinforcement not be forthcoming, narcissists will just as happily settle for conflict because it, too, gives them the limelight they so crave. Arguments and disagreements provide the narcissist with opportunities to manipulate; they make other people vulnerable to persuasion and more likely to do things they would not otherwise do.
If a narcissist can maneuver their opponent into doing or saying something, it gives strength to the belief they have in themselves as powerful and superior beings. Whichever way it is achieved, attention is a primary source of narcissistic supply and one that a narcissist must have on a very regular basis if they are to function. As Melanie Tonia Evans puts it in her excellent article on narcissistic supply :. Quite simply, narcissistic supply is energy — it is attention. Indeed, the study linked above makes reference to a level of co-occurrence between NPD and substance use.Personality disorders exist on a spectrumand psychiatric professionals define these conditions with characteristics that everyone possesses to different degrees.
As such, diagnosis is a difficult process best left to the professionals. As is the case with other personality disorders, narcissism exists on a spectrum. How do you avoid this type of manipulation?
For starters, if you feel like someone is treating you badly, pay attention to that feeling, and to the ways someone may be orchestrating your breakdown. For example:. Narcissists want to make you unsure of yourself so you are more likely to rely on them for help. This vulnerability makes you susceptible to further harmful tactics.
For more information on this common technique and how to respond, watch our video below. This classic manipulation technique is also one of the most damaging. While the method may seem obvious, it can be quite subtle if carried out by a narcissist whom you trust and adore.
The implication is that the narcissist is more mature and has developed beyond the level of the other person.
Physical posturing can be a part of this process.
It can be frustrating when someone changes the subject in the middle of a conversation, but when a partner does this to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, diversion can be downright dangerous. Narcissists use this tactic to derail conversations that may lead to an unpleasant result. Instead, insist on keeping the topic of the conversation out in front. This is an especially insidious technique when the narcissist uses someone you personally trust or admire to diminish you.
Did you know that Mary said the same thing?
The narcissist may also use a third person who could be a threat to you—an ex-lover, for instance—in an effort to force you into submission. You may feel forced to compete with the third person. Projection is the act of taking your own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors and pushing them onto others. For example, a boyfriend who is highly suspicious of his girlfriend and who repeatedly accuses her of cheating, despite her having given no evidence to support his suspicions, may be projecting his own wandering eye or sexual indiscretions onto his S.
There are several different kinds of projection —neurotic, complementary, and complimentary. And while most people project on occasion, narcissists frequently employ projection as a means of psychological abuse.I was always the strong one.
Nothing could break me. People, especially family members, could always count on me to help solve their problems. I am loud. I am confident. I can take on the world. Not that all these attributes, as I have come to learn, are positives. At the time it did allow me the luxury of getting through some very dark times in my life. That would include an estrangement with my mother and sister and a year journey with my closest friend, my younger brother, as he battled his own demons, alcohol addiction, anxiety, and depression.
He would lose his brave battle on March 18,when he took his own life. He was Although it is a well-kept, guarded secret, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism runs in my family. We were not raised to discuss these topics or feelings of any nature and it is frowned upon, even now. That secrecy, since I was a little girl was encouraged and enforced which translated into paralyzing shame, certainly when it came to my brother.
He was deeply ashamed that he was an alcoholic and struggled with mental health problems. Shame keeps people hiding, eats them alive from the inside out. I was always different than the others in my family. For that reason, with no experience whatsoever I make body care products for a living I set out to write and publish my memoir.
I am a sister. A wife. A mom. A friend. A neighbor. I am just like you, but I thought I had an important story to share about how these struggles can happen to any person, in any family, and often they continue from generation to generation.
I loved my brother, and there was nothing he ever would have done that would change that and I miss him desperately every day.No one teaches us to identify narcissistsso by the time we realize we're with one, we're blindsided. Breakups themselves are hard enough, but there's no manual for navigating one with a narcissist. Psychologist Jonathan Marshall, Ph. Here's everything you need to know about breaking up with a narcissist, including how to do this right and what to expect along the way:.
With most people, you can have reasonable discussions of when certain behaviors are unacceptable. And then you get blamed for calling them out, even if they're hurting you. Understand this as you're walking out the door: You can never hold a narcissist accountable. It's what's kept you hooked, and you need to leave behind that desire to make them "get it" or "change" if you're going to be able to truly close the door on this relationship.
How Would the Narcissist React to Your Text?
By the time you're ready to leave, a big problem is that you're probably distant from your friends and voices of wisdom—a typical machination by the narcissist. Hold on to it, and come back to this moment again and again. Because you will forget the logic behind why you say that. It's OK. As long as you remember the conclusion you've drawn. Sometimes we know what it's like to turn our lives around, and so we invest faith in others who seek redemption. The problem is, narcissists cannot and will not change.
Every so-called change is piecemeal and ephemeral, and you will pay for that dearly. Know this: The only person you need to take care of, in this very moment, is yourself. You've been pummeled and whipped into a shadow of yourself, and you deserve to love yourself into healing.
Then I am as bad as him! There is an inherent problem with the maxim "Don't judge. To be alive is to judge—every time you reverse your car in the parking lot, you are making a judgment call on what angle to maneuver. Discernment does not make you a bad person. It makes you a wiser person. Here's something to consider, instead: If this relationship with a narcissist were to happen to your best friend or child, would you be OK with it?
Yes, you were not perfect.